


midnight fears (what ifs that tear at my heart)

by EllaYuki



Category: Shaman King (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Post-Canon, Yoh thinks unnecessary things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaYuki/pseuds/EllaYuki
Summary: Yoh can't sleep, and his mind drifts and puzzles at what his life (especially a certain aspect of it) might have been, had his brother grown up as his brother.
Relationships: Asakura Yoh/Kyouyama Anna
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	midnight fears (what ifs that tear at my heart)

He wonders, once, deep at night when sleep eludes him, slipping through his fingers like water. Anna sleeps next to him, peaceful, quiet, and he stares helplessly, wonderingly, at her beloved face bathed in moonlight.

Yes, he wonders.

This life now, with this beautiful, scary, yet amazing woman… would he have had this life? Had things been different?

Had his…  _ his brother _ not remembered his past life, had they just grown up together, twins in the Asakura household, with the only burdens on their shoulders the wandering ghosts of the world that needed laying to rest, and providing a new generation for their bloodline, for their house… would he still be here, now? Laying like this, with Anna close enough to touch?

Or would… 

He sighs, presses his face into his pillow. Tries to sweep away the hot, twisty,  _ pointless _ feeling in his chest.  _ Stupid, being jealous over something that never even happened… _

But, he can't help it, because he knows, as the second son, he probably  _ wouldn't have _ had this. His grandmother wouldn't have arranged  _ this  _ marriage for him. Anna would have been Hao's bride… She wouldn't have been...

"You really  _ are _ being stupid, so late ar night," comes a soft reproach, cutting through his spiralling thoughts.

Yoh yelps, a shiver of dread trickling down his spine.  _ Well, shit _ . "I'm sorry, Anna," he says, a whisper, trying for entreating. "Did I wake you?"

Anna snorts, shifting to face him more properly, but the scowl on her face is light, for once, barely there. "You're being loud," she says bluntly, and Yoh scrambles, trying to figure out if any of his sleep deprived musings have slipped passed his lips and into the night air between them. 

At Anna's put-upon sigh, he realizes what she means. "Did you read my mind?" he asks, although he knows she wouldn't, unless she felt she had to. She's so much better at filtering out the world's voices now. 

"I didn't have to," she says, and reaches a hand over to flick at his forehead. (Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt.) "Like I said, you were being loud. So loud, you were projecting."

Shame crawls up Yoh's throat at that. Shame and embarrassment.  _ Crap _ . "Sorry, Anna," he apologizes, shoving his burning face into his pillow again, and only looking at her from the corner of one eye. He's  _ so  _ embarrassed. "I couldn't sleep. My mind ran away from me. I really didn't mean to wake you."

"Mn," is all she says for a while. She just looks at him, her light hair almost glowing in the gentle light coming in through the window.  _ Honestly, he got so lucky, how did he get so lucky?  _

She flicks his forehead again, and then turns her back to him, nestling close as she does. Yoh reaches out and takes her in his arms, hugs her as close as she'll allow him. "I wouldn't have been," she says after a stretch of silence. It sounds like a confession. Yoh's breath freezes in his lungs. "Hao's bride," she adds, as though making sure he understands. "I wouldn't have been.  _ This  _ is where I would have been.  _ Here _ ."

And Yoh…  _ Well _ , Yoh can do nothing but nod silently in the face of her confidence, of the certainty in her voice, face pressed lightly into her hair, and hug her a bit tighter.  _ Maybe she's right. Maybe... _

His family most likely wouldn't have allowed it, sure, but…

He closes his eyes, breathes her in.

_ Against all odds, maybe, yes… _


End file.
